The heart is unwilling to learn.

     She fell in love with him accidentally, he was not the sort she dreamt about when she said her warm prayers at night, he did not possess the virtues of a quasi – saint, his heart was not pure, his intentions were never of the clear sort, he did not pleasure in doing good for the sake of goodness, he was not tall, handsome and everything nice. He was tall, but definitely not the tall she thought about those nights when she went to bed, if handsome was a word, he was the antonym, and nice was what you would call the grinch in his presence.

      But she loved him, she loved the impurity of his heart and not by choice, the way he smiled and was confident in his unhandsome face, but perhaps what caught her attention was his poetic mind, his voice could throw an angel off the sky in purity, his dress sense betrayed his waywardness and total lack of care, he wore his average height so well people had to stand beside him to realize he was not as tall as they had imagined. His charisma and confidence won her over to his side, and every day with him seemed like a second, and she never thought of herself without him. She loved him totally and completely, she had taught herself to turn a blind eye to his debaucheries.
In all fairness to the man, he cared for her in his way, but nature always takes over when one least expects, and he never apologized for it, at his Casanova ways, he felt all the women saw in him the same thing she saw, for his extreme alcoholism he blamed it on his job but didn’t feel bad about it, his drug habits, he didn't realize were a problem, after all a little herb never killed anyone. Their coupling was an odd one , but the song “ebony and ivory” could apply to them, one was of light as the other of darkness and together, it was a match made by God as a joke!

    After 2 years of delicious bliss, moments of happiness and lifetimes of sadness, she decided she might be loosing herself, and so she left him. He neither cried or freaked out, he didn’t try to stop her and for many months, the thought of her walking out the door in slow steps and him not trailing after haunted her, she would spot him in public and instantly have a fever, and many times she asked herself if she could love like that again, she decided she would never look for love, because she knew where her heart was and it was pointless trying.

    6 months of heartache and painkillers later she decided that she was over him, she told everyone that she was ready to move on, and they doubted and dared, and to prove it, she picked up a phone and dialed a random number of a boy in an address book.

The stranger on the other end made her feel good, made her forget how much she'd suffered, how she dreaded getting out of bed in the morning and refused to respond to early morning greetings, because nothing was good about the morning, the day, the evening, nothing was good. He spoke and she listened, she talked and he responded; knew all the right things to say, made her feel like she hadn't gone through moments of sadness, like a few months ago her heart wasn't shattered into a million pieces and as she waited to have it picked up, no one came to help her mend her broken heart (not that she really wanted to mend it). She told him everything she'd wanted to tell anyone these past few months; about all the crazy things that had happened to her, at work, on her way home; at the gym, when she visited her friends and family and they said silly things and she simply smiled because she knew they wouldn't get it. He laughed with her, he got it. She knew that she could move on.

It was day break, and she'd spent her whole night talking to a stranger and had planned to meet up with him over the weekend, maybe catch a movie at the cinema or walk aimlessly around town exploring a tiny food house where brunch was served by waitresses who still asked if people wanted white or brown toast and automatically buttered the toast. They ended the conversation on a good note, and she felt great. Got dressed, put on some lipgloss and bounced herself to the office; greeted everyone she met good morning like she was in a viagra commercial, made her way to her desk, logged on only to see an email from the former Mister;
"I am sorry. I love you. I need You"

Ain't life a b***h!

Tuesdays with Mamarita

   I know I had said I was trying out the writing thing again, but I'll be honest, I found other avenues to relief my stress that writing just doesn't seem to work as well as it did a while back; that and the fact that as I get older I have less of a need to rant and more of a need to just move ahead and leave foolishness to what it is.

   I should talk about walking for a minute, many times when I'm walking, if anyone ever notices, I have a destination in mind and I often walk with purpose, when I feel the need to stop and lurk, I literarily "park" myself on the corner, re-group and get back on the road. This isn't unique to my daily life, when I'm on vacation, I walk briskly doesn't matter if I'm heading home or to a site I walk with purpose. I read somewhere that it is the only way to move forward.

  So you can imagine how much I HATE vacationers who just stand around in the middle of the road aimlessly, or decide to take up the whole sidewalk to gaze at the dead grass, speak a foreign language and just drag themselves across the city like that has decided to stop because they flew across oceans!!! Particularly those who carry out this aimless walking activity in the financial district where those of us not "lucky" enough to be on vacation have to "govern our time", move across buildings to attend meetings, it's hard enough that on average days the financial district is busy, adding vacationers to the mix just makes me want to SCREAM. And this is why I wear unpractical shoes around, if I'm not able to walk fast, I don't bother about vacationers.

  Can I take a moment to talk about my two year plan to help my friend land a very pretty lady we met at the bar? So we were there to hear him skulk about how he couldn't land this girl he'd been "working" for months, and the waitress was really cute and somehow she got into our conversation and was chiming in every now and then, but then she dropped the fact that she had a boyfriend and I really thought my friend should be with her, the plan was simple.....

My friend was to continue talking about the girl "his intended", ask the waitress (we'll call her Ally) for suggestions on how to get with her, and ensure that the night ends with him ("Bob") telling Ally he'd come back to thank her if her plan works. Obviously a month later Bob'll come back to thank Ally for her help, come up with some outrageous story of how her advice worked and now the intended is his girlfriend. They'll get to talking and now he's "safe" enough for her contact information.

 From this point on, they'll remain "friends", he'll message occasionally for a "Female" perspective, play the "I want to be the perfect boyfriend" card, we all know how old relationships get stale and she'll slowly find herself wanting to spend more time with Bob, and Bob will overtime try to start playing his "girlfriend" as a total bitch but still say he loves her and shit.

A year later, little bitch dumps Bob, he cuts Ally off, she feels terrible, goes to him drunk to tell him he's an asshole, they make out and BAM! End of conversation

ALTERNATIVELY, Ally's sexuality might be of the "alternative" sort and she'd keep Bob in the friend closet for life :) But my plan was worth a try.

Next time, I think I want to share my perspective on how to force people to like you :)

I may never have time to fix the background

    A while back, I was having a very pleasant conversation with colleagues I had never really socialized with and I forget a lot of the things we talked about but I remember in the end, one of them told me how impressed they were with my intellect; as we were in a social gathering, I laughed and said I pretend to be dull so no one wastes my time. In my head though I had taken them down and practiced all my Muay Thai punching skills on their face.        
   I get a similar reaction when my non-religious friends realize that I am a “practicing Christian”, apparently nothing about me puts me in “that category”, we often don’t realize that religion is not about intolerance to others (I’m apparently extremely liberal) and more about the love of God as shared with our fellow earthlings.
I have been asked for proof like church is like a coffee shop where you can get your card stamped every time you attend mass and they can count 26 stamps. (For all those pastors out there, it might be wonderful idea, I’m thinking charge $1 for those who stay to the end, those who come in half way and stay to the end $10; those who come in late and leave early $20….eh, salvation may be free but we’re running a business)
      Jokes aside, I find that we often write people off, and put them in boxes and expect nothing of them without giving them a chance to tell their stories and perhaps I may be guilty of that as well.

        I started my weblog many years ago, when it was a web space on netscape and I wrote with no care and didn’t care who was reading because my musings meant nothing, like berries growing on the road side people either read and moved on, or didn’t bother at all and I am very good with that. I was also in a very unpleasant place when I started, I think I feel much better (in case anyone is wondering)


 I guess I am really saying…. I may be back?!

Thursdays with Mamarita :O

If you can make any sense out of all of these, please feel free to explain it all to me :)

When am in a funk and I need to get out of it, I remember my favorite joke in the whole entire world;
Two young men are on a bus sitting next to a woman who's got her stroller nearby, and one of the young men says to the other "Yo thats a f'ugly baby". To which the other responds "Thats a rude thing to say to a person" and then he smiles at the baby in the stroller turns to the mother and says "Your monkey is precious!!!!" Each time I think of that joke, I laugh so hard I whizz!!! It is my happy place :)

    A long time ago, I read somewhere that setbacks are a gift, if you accomplished everything you set out to do when you set out to do, you will not know about the world around you or appreciate the little things. I think that failure at the early stages of one's life should be embraced, it may be easier said than done but let us face it, if you've faced "the worst thing that could ever happen to you" you go on thinking to youself "the worst is behind me now", you would be accostomed to it, know the feeling and well not accept it but know how to deal with it.

    Now am not saying you should purposefully loose or fail at whatever you are doing, I'm just saying welcome it early on in your endevours and learn to deal with it. Part of a process management practice at one of these Japanese plants was praising failure. I may be understating this, please do forgive me, and the Japanese have really helped the field of TQM a great deal...just saying So if you made a mistake you'd put up your name on a board with the mistake and if anyone could fix it for you, they'd change the issue to a smiley face and help you with it. In that way, you learn what you're doing wrong and not just go through life thinking you're doing everything right.

    When you fall, you stand look behind you to see why you fell and well avoid that mistake in the future, someone once said "We fall down and we get up" When you fall, or loose, or relapse at something remember the "cause" walk on it and continue and in that way you look fear in the face and say you don't scare me. That being said, EAT A FAT JUICY UGLY FROG A DAY, it'll change your life and try to name 5 impossible things before breakfast and make them possible!!!!

VERY LONG OVERDUE - THE VIRTUOUS WOMAN

I was 17 when I first read about the "virtuous woman," and back then I was in my “forming” phase of life, I was not sure I knew myself and at the time marriage, being a woman, a wife, a mother were not thoughts that crossed my mind. My life was lived on the dream of one day owning a castle in one of the Caribbean island with so much money I wouldn’t know how to spend it, the marriage/womanly part of it was all a gray area.
But then as I grew older and started noticing boys, and going on dates, the virtuous woman started to resonate in my mind, and I would constantly ask myself at a point in my relationships if I could see myself being a woman of virtue to this man or if I didn’t think he was worth that type of woman who I knew I could be but knew it would take a lot of work.

The Virtuous Woman
She is very hard to find
I think every woman has the potential to be a virtuous woman, given the right “tools” and with guidance and lots of supplications. By tools, I mean the right partner, about 90% of people end up with the wrong people, for some it is obvious, but for others they may go along life thinking everything is ok, but when you’re with the right person, everything is NOT OK, everything is fantastic, everyday words will seem like love songs and NOTHING, no condition, situation, weather will shake you or take away that perfect feeling you feel within you when you are with the person you are meant to be with and when this happens, you find yourself, being a virtuous woman.

Who can find her? A man who sees his woman as a jewel, who finds a seemingly worthless “stone” and bestows unto it values that make it the stone feel like it is worth more than diamonds. In Miguel de Cervantes’ Don Quixote, the don saw Aldonza a worthless “whore” and he bestowed unto her virtues far more than she could ever deserve, he named her “Dulcinea” a princess with hair made out of gold and she was nothing when he met her, but as the story progressed she found herself and although she wasn’t a princess with hair made out of gold she was able to help Don Quixote prolong his life and find happiness even if for a moment, in her he found virtue.

ORIGINAL SIN
If you have not seen original sin with Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas this may be lost on you, the wonderfully told tale is about a man who decides to marry a woman he had never met based on letter exchanges, and through the course of the movie, his life is slowly taken away from him because of his “wife” – She was a woman of virtue, she brought him joy and pain, lots of adventure that he otherwise would not be privy to and in the end he was wiser for the experience and we can say to him, she was a good wife, a virtuous woman.
He trusted her enough to drink the poison she has served him because he knew deep within him that the love and virtue bestowal would eventually kick off (which happened) and she saved him from death. "Virtuousness" although it may refer to pure, of all things good and pleasing to God, should also be taken in the context of the receiver of the virtues, or in many cases the bestower of the virtues. A woman may constantly bring a man grief, cause him pain, take all his money and run, attempt to poison him but in his eyes she is the epitome of the virtuous woman.
It is the love, and care and attention and appreciation for the little things and gratefulness for the large things, most importantly the amount of love the receiver of the virtue gives that determines if he has found a virtuous woman, because every woman has the potential to be trusted, to bring prestige and royalty to their men, to care for their home and children and make them popular among their peers and superior but it is the love, the worth that the man shows his woman and the extent to which he bestows values unto her that determines how virtuous she will be.
And it is evident in the whole reading, it does not start with the virtues of the woman, but the way she will be treated when she is found, and what the man does for her, then it goes into why she will be treated so, and the reading ends with what the man must do.
"Give her everything she deserves, feston her life with praises"
There's a proverb To whom much is given, much is expected may we all find partners who will allow us to be virtuous.

AMEN


THE VIRTUOUS WOMAN (Proverbs 31, 10-31)

Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

Since I was a child, I found I hated the word NO! Or being told what can and cannot be done, I did not like hearing that a woman's place was in the kitchen, or that my dreams should be limited because after all I am a woman. My father did not raise me like that, when I wanted to become a lawyer, he thought I would one day become a chief judge, when I wanted to pursue acting, he wanted tickets to the oscar so that when I received my award he would point out to the crowd that is my daughter. And now that I am a banker, he has visions of me being the Chief Information Officer one day, and the same goes for my sister and her aspirations, she's almost PEng, and he's been behind her all the way, because he believes that what a man can do a woman can also do and sometimes better.

A few months ago, a certain gentleman, started updating his facebook status very frequently with the message #lightupnigeria. I wondered what this was so I googled and read up on it and I totally loved the message so for this reason and this reason alone, I broke my vow to never join twitter and did *if you are a follower...did you #lightupnigeria today?*

For me #lightupnigeria is not just about constant electricity (I will get back to that in a moment), it is about the future generations of Nigerians and what they will become, it is about doing something so little so that we won't have to tell our children about the Nigeria we grew up in, but that they will get to experience themselves. I remember a time when light was constant in Nigeria, we did not own a generator for a very long time and even when we did we never had to use it and it broke down a lot due to lack of use, now people have back ups for their back up generators and I know of a whole apartment complex that didn't bother with connecting to the PHCN grid, and who can blame them?

I remember a time in Nigeria, when someone would knock on the door and anybody would open the door to them, or a stranger would ask where your mummy went and you would tell them and nothing would happen to your mummy because the stranger was just a well meaning individual! Nowadays, you can't even trust the man driving you not to point a gun at you in the middle of traffic, all for what N50,000 that won't even buy diesel in a generator for a week!

Constant light is not just a problem for Nigeria alone, it is in my opinion a valid global crisis, let us analyze it properly, lights go out, 25 million people turn on their generators, 90% of whom emit green house gases very dangerous to the environment, and the fumes grow and grow and grow, this is not taking into account the industrial strength generators needed/used to power up plants. And yet young Nigerians keep shouting give us light #lightupnigeria and the rest of the world just turns their heads and continue ticking off their goals towards the kyoto protocol papers signed and I laugh

If the G20 countries with their population of like 4 million to our over 3 billion (I exagerate you see....) reduce all the greenhouse gas that they can and we keep emitting them from our asses like it were natural, doesn't anyone else think it would counteract their good. Look at it from another perspective, you buy a house close to the beach and as you clean it, the wind blows sand around you, it'll ruin all the cleaning work you've done and you could have stopped it if you closed your window!

I constantly dream of a Nigeria where the lights going off would trigger a national emergency and the President would be woken up to give a presidential speech on the cause of the outage, a Nigeria where we can breathe fresh air not tainted by the fumes of candles, kerosene lit lamps, diesel/petrol powered generators, and we can yell our children/nieces/nephews/maids/dogs/mouse/cat/snakes yell when they are being molested because there is no sound of generator to muffle those sounds.

So the next time you're in the midst of intelligent folk and they bring up ways to improve the air quality and reduce pollution, tell them that they can help save the planet if they #lightupnigeria, visit www.lightupnigeria.org and help raise awareness that Nigeria needs to be lit up, they may think you are crazy but when you explain it to them the way I just did, they'll understand and join the movement.

Tell you M.P. too! IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97

It is lent again, that wonderful time of the year where many Christians remember their catholic faith with regards to the Church calendar that calls for fasting. Yes, yes, they skip the whole bit with the ash Wednesday, "dust you are and unto dust you shall remember" or "turn away from sin and be faithful to the gospel" and jump right off to the part where they give up something they tell themselves they are addicted to.
Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against lent, or peoples' beliefs towards lent, in fact am happy people look forward to lent to give up their vices, it is just like every other day, knowing what you're doing makes it seem like you're doing more. You don't stand on a treadmill or fry your carrots or do yoga without breathing properly or write an exam without reading the material for which the exam is based. You just don't give up something because it is lent and go about your old ways, it is a season of reflection, getting back to the core of things now just announcing the fact that you're celibate for the next 40 days (although we're thankful that 30 less people will catch STIs in that time)
I don't believe that it is my job to teach anyone about lent, if you don't know, google it and make sense of it, I will say this though, I love lent and in as much as every Christian I know has jumped at the idea of giving up a vice in place of good old "dry fast" for the duration of the lenten season, it is a time of sober reflections, of attempting to be Christlike, temptations will come like the devil on that holy mountain, offering the world for what seems like a small price but you have to be steadfast in what you believe in.
You don't have to give up anything at lent, you can change something about yourself, do something special, my friend decided to give his transit money for the 40 days of lent to a charity and he walked like 2 hours a day to work and 2 hours back from work for 40 days. He spent his time reflecting on his life and how he could be a better Christian. Obviously when lent ended he went back on the train. Am not saying to castigate yourself over the lenten period, I just want to spread the gospel of knowing what it is that you are doing.
This lent, I will be a better person, as each lenten season passes, I find that I am able to give my vices to God and he has taken them away from me, this year will not be any different. And I urge everyone to pray fervently for graces to stay true to the calling of lent. God help us all!!!


And this is a special message to the person that wanted to know what the "ashlike" substance on peoples' foreheads were today...ash Wednesday..... Margaret Mary Caroline whatever you go by, I KNOW YOU ARE CATHOLIC, I KNOW WE TOOK COMMUNION TOGETHER, ATTENDED CATHECHISM TOGETHER, AND YOU ASK WHAT THE "ASHLIKE SUBSTANCE" IS? REALLY? REALLY?!!!!!
I can't even begin to decide within me if this silliness of yours should be classified silliness, pretence, attention seeking or pure ignorance! It doesn't even look like ash...what is ash? It is ash wedneday, you know this and you ask and you expect an answer that isn't in the line of GROW UP BRANDON!!!! I cringe and hope you've changed religions, hopefully your new religion won't believe in "ashy" substances on the forehead, because I cannot imagine the magnitude of curses that would be rained on your head if you ask what the "red looking" thing on people's foreheads are!!! HISS (You are still one of God's favorite children, although this is one of those moments I would really pull a Peter on you, 4 TIMES!!!!)