So there I was looking through my past writings from when I had a lot of fire in the belly for writing and wanted to be the next Amy Tan with interesting stories that everyone'd want in their bathrooms and wouldn't wait to go take a dump so they could tease their brains with a little more "Life" by Mamarita. Oh yes, I wanted to be the next guilty pleasure, you know the chocolate you know you shouldn't have but steal at it when no one is watching yet pinching at it so it'll never finish. I wanted to write that book that the world would talk about but no one would know the end because they didn't want the pleasure attained from the book to end.....I wanted to be on everyone's book shelves in several languages.

(from the vault)


Resting my back on my wall, feeling the cold breeze blow on my poor hand that has been condemned to this beast, a brainchild of Gates, whose price is being paid through hard work that I see as a trailer with a can of coke praying not to fall asleep while the rest of the world is preparing for another day of 6.45 an hour, while I shall proudly be earning a 6 digit paycheque. Yes the joy of aspiring to be an actress in the future while I be a nice ITM student and watch my father send me to days of tribulation, suffering listening to some cats make thousands, talk while I play on MSN. Life!!!!!!

Anyways where was I? Yes, my fingers are dead, but I have something important to say before I lay my wearisome head on my well fluffed pillow, ah yes, God bless Looney tunes for the creation of Tweety, what else would I cuddle up to after a long day’s work. Attention Deficit Disorder is the new thing in my dictionary. Yes I have diagnosed myself with it, yes there is no cure, why not just accept my fate and move on. No I wont blame my lack of enthusiasm when it comes to reading my books on me, it’s the ADD, I plan to read, yes I do, but when the time comes, I just forget to. Same for everything that’s important to other people. When I forget to post peoples’ letters for them because they find it a bore to take a stroll 2 blocks down the road, it’s the ADD, not my forgetfulness.

Enough about me!!!! What brought me to disorders? I know some people and I feel I owe them an apology for being myself. (Take a moment to laugh). Where was I, in this world every day at a certain time, everyone wakes from deep sleep and find themselves living lives they feel are NORMAL, going to their 9-5 jobs, look at the next person, find faults in them and find themselves perfect. It’s just the way of the world; it’s the way our brains have been processed. Love what is normal, condemn what is not. The boy in the gym looks cute, like a supermodel, you’re checking him out, he looks perfect then you go and introduce yourself, and you find out he’s speech impaired, and all of a sudden, he is the ugliest thing on earth.

The difference between my “disorders” and that of others is that, some disorders like mine are in my power to fix, while most people there’s nothing they can do about it, and all they want is a little compassion, a little understanding, and love amongst other human emotions. And we deprive them of it. I was walking home from school the other day and I saw this really gorgeous lady, and she was approached by a guy, one of those stupid town criers I wouldn’t pay a mind to, anyways…I was intrigued by her responding to the guy and I kind of watched them talk a little, I am assuming he asked for a contact information from her, she proceeded to take her hand that was hidden in her pocket out, to reveal she was missing 5 fingers. Ladies and gentlemen, this self serving bastard asked her not to worry and bailed, right on a major street!!!!!!!! I bled inside for this damsel that was willing to stoop down to the level of the street cat that later dumped her.

That’s just one of my interesting stories anyways. Human nature is to define normal and abnormal, to look at the disabled in a funny way, a way that tells them WE DO NOT WANT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE MISSING A LIMB. A look that projects disapproval, I am judging myself today, I am slapping myself because I have looked down on two wonderful kids, make that three, I found them annoying, I wanted to shove hot rots down their throats and watch their intestines roast, then I found out, they were being friendly in their own “special” way, and now I want to fall on my knees and indulge in an eyes leaking activity but the last time my tear glands worked was ….I don’t remember. To all the disabled I have judged because they’ve not been like me, I APOLOGIZE. I WILL TRY TO TREAT EVERYONE AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE AS MY BRAIN WILL LEAD ME. After all, we’re all human, all not perfect.

Now my week is almost over, and I am soon to travel, I’ll be publishing my DEDICATIONS soon, but before then, I would like to thank all those people that have been there for me, those of you that signed my guest book, told me I was an amazing writer, and those that keep coming back and critiquing my work, trying to make me better. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I started this little thing last year, after we started the fundance crew on a Friday. Now, I’m proud to say, one year later that FUNDANCE is happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!

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