Pills to live, pills to die
I have a tiny little secret, ever since my accident I've not driven a car, I know its just been two weeks but am so fucking scared of getting back on the road, its fucking ridiculous. So am trying to rent a car if you'd met me two weeks before the accident, I'd rent a car without insurance and allow my 4 year old nephew to drive it, now I keep asking and double checking that the fucking car is insured. I don't even think I'd ever drive on Bathurst and Eglington ever again, even if my life depended on it, and everytime I cross the street, I look both ways 5 times, even when the light is red and there's no car in sight. Am going CRAZY!!! All I did was drive and now I might never feel safe in the confines of an automobile everrrrrrrrrrr....THERE'S A PILL FOR THAT
I've been a lazy ass since school started, I don't know why but I have not been studying as much as I would love to, all I do is go to school, come home and watch telly like I was a teenager, am getting fucking old and I should be done school, half my mates are out of school doing something in their freaking field and am such a wuss that I hide behind school knowing that the fucking problem is the real world and the fear of total responsibility, the sooner I finish school, the sooner I'd get a decent job and start earning a living, and then I'd start thinking am old do the "canadian" thing and try to live away from my parents probably move in with some workaholic medical doctor who's sexual orientation is "ambiguous" and keep telling myself that he really is straight for fear I might ask him and get the truth!!!! Am afraid of the real world, half of me wants to stay in school the other half can't wait to get into the real world and I still don't know what I want to do after graduation and its starting to get to me.....THERE'S A PILL FOR THAT
I hate it when I try to do the right thing and the whole world looks down on me, its not my fault I don't like him, its not my fault that he's who he is, its not my fault that I can't change him because he is unchangeable, its not my fault that he doesn't get my jokes because we're not flowing on the same wavelength, its not my freaking fault that he thinks that I'm playing hard to get and I'm innocently telling him to FUCK OFF, quite nicely I might add and its not my fault that he thinks am a bitch and thinks I feel like am better than the rest of the world, is it too much to want to be understood and to run away from potential harm because am afraid that the one thing I run away from in relationships is the one thing I'd run into and would never be able to get over...am afraid of my potential heart been broken, has never happened before, don't want it to and sure I might have lost out on a lot of relationships but I just don't want to be with him, because I know he's wrong for me. There's no pill for heartbreak!
I can't stand fake people, the ones that smile at you while you're there and behind your back hate your fucking guts and can't stand you, I'm sure I can't stand you either I just feel guilty is why I say hi back and if you really can't stand me, see me grin and walk past and I'd do the same. It's just quite sad when you find out people you "tolerate" think you're not their "type" and hate saying hello! And its so annoying especially in the "western world" people smile at you to your face and as soon as you turn your back they're saying all kinds of shyt about you and even when they're not you're paranoid that they are because you've seen them do it to some of their "best friends" and you are just their friend.....Is there a pill for that?