Tuesdays with Mamarita
Six degrees of separation :
Life is too short to set out to seek revenge. The world is too round, too small, for you not to end up hurting someone close to you when you set out to “payback” someone for whatever it is that they might have done to you.
The world is too round, too small for you to hurt a stranger, a person that you do not know. The man whose eyes you pluck out of its socket today could be the same man that could have saved you from being a vegetable, if only you’d have let go, and allowed God to do his work.
Psh, who am I to “teach”. I love revenge; I wake up in the morning and plot ways to inflict pain on people, for sheer pleasure. I enjoy seeing fresh blood on skin, and the sounds of a person screaming in pain….uh….like very good vanilla ice cream melting slowly on a warm fudge brownie. That’s the old me, or at least the me that should die, so that a new caring me can live.
I’m the quiet kid that plots out a 5 year plan to destroy someone’s life and would just seat by their side and watch them suffer, while I smile internally at the ruins of their so-called lives. The same person that would tell them not to kill themselves, only because the pleasure of watching them suffer would end, yet would secretly wish for them to shoot themselves in the head with my only golden bullet carefully placed in their gun, laid nicely under their pillows.
When I have these funny feelings towards “higher animals”, I write about it in my journal, place it under lock and key because if other eyes should feast upon my words, their minds could want to carry out the actions that my mind has created and we’ll have a lot of blood and unnecessary suicides on our hands. And so I thank God for restraint, I pray that he would not let me down when I call on him for justice, so far God has not disappointed, it is just that many times, I don’t want to wait, I want instantaneous results, results that I can see, feel and talk about.
I went for a job interview the other day for an analyst position, and they asked me why I felt I was suited for the job, and all I could come up with was that I live my life piecing together puzzles, finding glitches in everything, solving “problems”, and I am so engrossed to solving complex models with so little information that I no longer think in boxes but out of circles.
I hope they call me back its been almost 2 weeks, but I am so good at this life as a puzzle thing that it is phenomenal, I can say in good faith that nothing gets past me, every movement, every sneeze, every gesture is a clue for me. I guess that is why people say I know things about them even before they tell me.
I wonder how the heck I have time to study people when I’m so obsessed with myself close to the point of narcissism and yet I am aware of those around, perhaps in my obsessiveness in myself I have grown to realize that I am part of a whole and to fully be the self I must embrace the whole?! Uhm……. That is my thought of the moment.
I think I can officially dim Matt Dusk MY FUNNY VALENTINE, his looks are not laughable, he is very photographable and he should not change a thing about himself, he is wonderful just the way he is :)
“ To be naked is to be oneself…..to be naked is to be without disguise”