I believe that I am a nice person. I’ve always thought that saving humanity is something worth doing. I believe that deep in every person is the need to be loved, to be cared for, and that no man should be left alone, regardless of attitude. Mean people are just nice people waiting to be loved.

I don’t smoke, the year I turned 19 I smoked a pack of cigarettes and I didn’t see the use so I never smoked again. I drink casually, I have never been drunk, I was tipsy once, I drank 2 bottles of cheap champagne on a very empty stomach, I now know my limit. I have never woken up hung over before, I have never had the chance to blame anything on alcohol.

Mahatma Gandhi is not one of my heroes, I love his work, but he wore diapers, and I found that his double personality of been gentle and persuasive at the same time just too much to handle. My dad is my greatest hero, I want to be like him 10 years from now, a lot better but in that line. I wanted to be a banker as a child because of my dad; I just learnt that a banker is a person that works in a bank J

If I could choose to be like one of my parents, I would choose my dad, on of my greatest fears in life is growing up to be like my mum. She is a great person, but she woke up one day and became a totally different woman, she is still the greatest woman ever, and I am always so proud to introduce her as my mum, but I really don’t want to be like her 30 years from now.

I hate depending on people, I always have a backup plan for everything I do, I hate disappointments and I have never completely trusted anyone. I believe in people as humans and that no one is perfect and by not completely trusting when humans make error it’s easier to forgive.

I don’t understand the concept of forgiving and forgetting, you can’t tell your memory to let go of some wrong that was done no matter how much you say you’ve let go of it, so why do we bother? I hate the word SORRY. I’m no longer sure why I do; I hate the feeling of remorse, and as such try not to wrong people.

If people were to say things about me, I would like to think they would have a ton more good things to say than bad, not because am perfect or try to be, but because I have just never had the chance to be mean. I don’t want to rule the world; I want the world to remember me.

I always wondered what would be said about me if I were to die; I wonder who would show up at my funeral, what each of them would say, if they would cry, or laugh and why. Ideally I would like a disco ball at my funeral service, my body in a nice urn, and the mourners in pink, making music, rejoicing that they could at least say that they knew me and that I touched them in some way.

When I grow up I want to be a cartoon, I want to fall say ouch and heal, I want to die and wake up, I want to be shot see the blood and suddenly be whole again, still vibrant and alive, I want to grow intellectually, mentally but not age quite as much. If only I was a cartoon.

If there was a soundtrack for my life, I WILL SURVIVE for every time I’ve fallen, VIVA FOREVER for every friend I no longer talk to, BOHEMIAN RHASPODY for every time I’ve wanted to cry, DON’T GO LOOKING for every bad break up, AVE MARIA for every bad news I ever got, O FORTUNA for every uncertain period, SUMEMR TIME for boring periods, COULD WE START AGAIN for the one that got away, DANCING QUEEN for obvious reasons, THE SLEEPING BEAUTY WALTZ for when I find true love.

I am a romantic at heart people who know me would laugh at it because I don’t believe true love exists, you know the sort of love that keeps you up at night, the love that makes the world a better place, the sort of love that speaks for itself, the one only talked about in Verona. I look forward to that grand gesture, not roses and champagne or the whole world on a plate, but something small, very thoughtful but extremely small, almost insignificant yet carefully thought out.

I fear I’ll never find everlasting love. I fear that I would be a terrible mother, I fear that I would be a bad wife, I fear that I’ll be 40, single, pretend to be happy but find myself drowning my sorrows in promiscuity and alcoholism. I fear that I might end up getting married 4 times to 4 different men, love them all equally and leave them all when they least expect.


Uzo said...

Happy New Year and welcome back.

M sorry i couldnt make it to your thing on New Year's day...

Hope it went welll

Yellow Vespa Guy said...


I guess I could say "WELCOME BACK!"

So, are we meeting or what? And I wanted to visit dad but you did not call.

Aloofaa said...

I'm new here. U strike me as a very warm and friendly person with an existential side.

Lovely Post. LOL.

Sha said...

Wow... interesting.. I feel u on not depending on ppl/ trusting human beings.. I like d back up plan idea, i think i shud start dat too..

and as per ur vals day..lol u neva know, u cud find 'true love' b4 then naww..lol..


laspapi said...

This was very well written. I enjoyed it immensely. That blogger that doesn't drink? Anyone I know?